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Private Paparazzi

Tuesday, July 29, 2008 Update by Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller

Bill Murray once advised people aspiring to be rich and famous to "try being rich first, see if that doesn't cover most of it.... When you become famous, you end up with a 24-hour job." That don't sound too good, Bill Murray. Perverting Murray's advice, some people have decided to try fame first, recruiting Private Paparazzi to chauffeur the test drive. This company, which asks customers to pay up to $100 an hour for its services, recreates one of the most annoying side-effects of stardom -- an omnipresent gnat swarm of clicking cameras -- without reproducing any of celebrity's more attractive perks.

With a crew of photographers documenting the sordid details of their bachelor parties and birthday pub crawls, Private Paparazzi consumers can combine their primary obsessions: Attracting attention in the most gaudy, talentless fashion possible, and ensuring every depressing debauch of their ostentatious social lives ends up in an overstuffed social networking site photo album. Instead of ambushing their targets to ensure unflattering tabloid-style images, the Private Paparazzi shutterbugs coax posed shots, then use "Celebrity Style Photo Editing," achieving the kind of image manipulation only available to the stars (or any random, Private Paparazzi client-caliber loser with Photoshop).

- Andrew "Garbage Day" Miller